I don’t mean to be a drama queen but sometimes I don’t quite comprehend the level of emotion I feel towards inanimate objects. For example I feel so much affection for sashimi frequently it scares me because i think to myself this is what love is. Of late I have been so.. frustrated with the iphone I find myself actually having angry conversations with it because iOS7 is RUINING MY LIFE. I go on twitter and everyone is gushing over how pretty and amazing and wonderful it is and im just like um are we using the same phone? It is Apple we are talking about now right?
Where do I even begin?! iPhone dearest i had so much hope for you especially after all these rave reviews on your latest OS and now you look like Dora The Explorer gone ADHD with markers. I keep getting motion sickness because you keep ZOOMING everywhere like hello please chill are your pants on fire or something, also, my battery life now is RIDICULOUS i see it draining like a pathetic fallacy for THE HOPES AND DREAMS I HAD FOR YOU (i know that’s not how you use pathetic fallacy but i just like the way it sounded so shut it) and I’m so chained by the stupid iphone wire because i just need to charge you all the damn time THIS RELATIONSHIP IS SUFFOCATING ME, DEAREST, also, since we’re on that note, stop rejecting all the damn third party chargers because now my sisters just want to keep “sharing” my iphone wire and theres not enough to go around. And also i know what you are up to I KNOW WHAT YOUR GAME PLAN IS ok all my apps are suddenly too big for my screen and they just dont fit properly and everything lags all the time now and i KNOW this is because they’re all tailored to the iphone 5 screen because its all part of your GRAND PLAN to force me to buy it but NO i will not cave i will not surrender because you are a ridiculously commercialized piece of whatever you’re made of that SHATTERS when i drop you on the floor because you are WEAK you hear me WEAK. Also lastly you are ruining my life iOS7 ok because you keep changing all my alarm tones and now they’re all soft and lame and i cant hear them so i cant wake up on time and i am LATE FOR MY ENTIRE LIFE.
Ok that was just fantastic because I went all psychotic bitch on the internet and now everyone knows and noone will ever marry me because they’re probably backing away slowly now. When did my life become like this? It is what it is.
There is one good thing that’s come out of iOS7 so far though: this beautiful little app called mailbox
Which is the sleekest, most beautiful mail app i’ve used so far. Previously I was on the native apple mail app and GMAIL app which both leave much to be desired.. and the only thing unfortunate about Mailbox is that it only accommodates Gmail for now so you can’t stack your Outlook/school mailboxes on it too. It’s been around for awhile but the iOS7 update for Mailbox is so sweet I caught whiff of it and ta-da, life improved by 20% because of how fantastic it is. It’s got these two amazing features- first being Get Me To Zero which helps archive all my unstarred messages – I used to have about 11k unread messages (thanks groupon) and now BAM I’m down to nine! It’s like i unfucked my habitat. It’s revolutionary. I love it. It’s changed my life. I feel like i should be attending support groups and whispering about this app in holy reverence or something. The other amazing thing it does is snooze your emails if you want to just deal with life later or something- your email just gets delivered at a later date of your choosing- it’s incredible.
Alright, that’s just about all i popped in to say. I realize today’s post is a little more scattered than usual but it is how i feel- scattered. I blame iOS7.