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status: not sure





Hi

I am not too sure if i am awake or not

I remember falling asleep in the laundry room when the swish swish of the dryer became the swish swish of my breathing
Sitting in front of the computer, think to myself, it is likely that i might be dreaming this, that somewhere else on another plane of reality i am still sleeping in the laundry room over my book waiting for the dryer to finish separating lint from clothing and moisture from threads, it is possible that on that other plane of reality a jack the ripperesque masked man might be standing behind me with an axe, laughing silently at the girl stupid enough to fall asleep in the laundry room on the fourteenth floor. the reason why there is a fifty percent chance that i am dreaming: i can hear thumping, thump, thump, pause, thump, and i look around, i cannot figure out where they come from but they are near.

This has happened before, not the gory hacking about to occur in the plane of possibilities i mentioned, but dreaming about blogging or writing and waking up to realize that it did not happen. I imagine that if i were a wateringpot, words would be like hot chocolate inside me slowly filling up simply because my favorite drink is milo, and when it reaches the brim it overflows first in dribbles then in floods. Like breathing, or blinking, writing is like second nature, more to rearrange and organize my thoughts, decant them onto a space separate from my own person so they do not suffocate me, rather than for the sake of writing.

I compare it to drunk-blogging, where you blog when drunk, and wake up hungover not too sure what you wrote, whether you wrote, except i have not consumed any alcohol so i am therefore not drunk. I am in between worlds, dreams and reality, the mist of sleepiness is intoxicating, i think my eyes are open but they see through a haze of raspberry and graduated blurs.

i shall list ten things that come to my mind now:

1. long corridors with wallpapered sides have always scared me

2. if i am asleep in the laundry room with my head folded over the table i hope i do not wake up with a wicked crick in my neck tomorrow

3. i went to little italy today and it looked nothing like the italy i visited last year. Best ice cream in italy! a stall promised, but how could it be the best when it was georgraphically confused?

4. it upsets me how time slips away from me like smooth silk falling between the gaps in your fingers, i have been in new york for two weeks, it does not feel like two weeks, it feels like one day or three years but not two weeks

5. i am sometimes paranoid about falling down and hitting my teeth. this is why i do not like to run on the track.

6. the silvery sparkly dress sweater i bought today didnt have its shop tag thingy removed properly by the salesgirl, all night in and out of shops i could not figure out why i was beeping incessantly, people were staring at me like i was some sort of criminal. I was trying to figure out if i had knocked something into my shopping bag unknowingly when, Miss, a helpful man with a crew cut and a cigarette dangling out of his mouth tapped me, you have an electronic tag attached to the back of your sweater. I looked at it, everything came together in a flash, i am not a criminal, accidental or otherwise.

7. I am going to Jersey Shore tomorrow which is ironic because i have never watched the show. I dont even know who this Snooki everyone keeps talking about is. Also the name snooki sounds like snoopy the dog.

8. i bought a batman lunchbox today

9. arthur bowen.

and

10. at the age of nineteen, i still am undecided on whether i like chocolate or vanilla more.

x
‚ô•Jem