Currently listening to:Corner by Allie Moss
Status:Exhausted
So! Finally got the icleeq photos from last month’s Microsoft Xin-sational party. We mentioned it to Moses (Mediacorp) last week when we met him at Digital Matters Asia 2011, and he dropped xtel a link to the photos within two days! Talk about efficient- we were pleasantly surprised. Thankyou Moses! ^^
[edit: too wordy, rest of the post under cut]
Anyway
of recent events: it is nice how everything seems to be falling together suddenly. I’m not saying anything yet because i dont want to jinx it, but you’ll find out soon enough. I find myself smiling at stupid songs on the ipod now for no good reason.
Things fall apart so other things can fall together.
I feel slightly bad everytime i get asked Did you miss me? because out of truthful honesty (also because i dont have the good sense to lie) i will blink and go Not really.. and then mentally slap myself when i see the shock flit across the asker’s face
I feel as though i need to clarify something: it is a problem of mine, i dont miss my friends. I dont know when this started, i used to be le vulnerables and fall victim to bouts of nostalgia; you know, thinking of old times, people i havent seen for too long, resulting in long periods of time staring off into space and reminiscing..
Sometime this year i started to stop missing my friends. Its not a bad thing/heartless bitch thing, dont take it the wrong way. I still enjoy your company very, very much. It’s just that i feel as though time is no longer a quintessential factor in remaining close- isnt that better, in a sense?
It’s probably also got to do with the fact that i feel perfectly comfortable alone, pattering off by myself with my ipod and a book. I feel as though this is another by product of my working life/holding a full time job/serious, this growing (independence) (not really the word for it..) (nevermind) combined with a lack of time for anything more because im always so tired after work all i want to do is sleep.
And then im always not too sure what to say when people look at me accusingly
Do you know we havent met for three weeks
Really didnt we just meet that day.. (mentally reviews last time we met vis a vis your eyes) .. oh yeah
Doesnt it matter to you?
What does one say to that? The only person i sort of do miss from time to time is BBF but even that is more of a fleeting worry that he will get killed in commando leaders.. before i realise that it’s a rather irrational fear and dismiss it. We only see each other once a month now i think, and i am surprisingly fine with that. We’ve fallen into a comfortable understanding that time is a luxury extended to neither of us, and we make do with what we have.
I call myself a writer and i cannot even seem to express this properly, i feel like i am doing a terrible bad job at explaining myself. sigh. For shame!
On a completely (ok somewhat) unrelated note, i read a long piece recently from a friend lamenting the gradual distancing she’s experiencing from her old friends/ the change people undergo/ no longer being able to talk to certain people and how this makes her inexplicably sad and i thought to myself
people change. you’ll ruin everything good by trying to make it last forever.
i have come to accept that some friendships, despite being great while they lasted, are not meant to be stretched past their expiry date. I find it a pity when memories are sullied because of a stubborn refusal to let things go/simply because of the amount of time spent together previously. Some chapters need to be closed. And that is alright with me as well.
Things fall apart so other things can fall together.
This post has become far too wordy and long. Also, i am so, so tired and i need to sleep for a really long time.
I dont mean to come across as heartless/unwilling to form long term personal relationships. i guess all im trying to say is: dont take it personally if i dont seem to mind not meeting up for weeks/months on end. It probably means you mean more to me than time does/ that we’ve progressed past the stage where friends struggle to build up and maintain their relationship for fear of falling out into the venn diagram of acquaintances.
Now isnt that nice.
x
♥Jem