#2101 | Wingin it

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Not gonna lie, I’m actually like, offended that July flew by so fast.

It was a good month, if good means being so stressed you constantly want to vomit. Why the disjointed classification then? Well – firstly, because in my personal experience this level of stress (and seriously, i’ve never been so stressed that my face spontaneously combusted into rash before) only comes when I throw myself into something that i care deeply about. So there’s that. The things that have fazed me most over the years have always been things that I’ve poured my own heart into. So be it. Secondly – it has been a good month because friendship. It sounds trite but I always fall back on my net of friends who provide me with so my joy and comfort that it’s almost stupid. One particular instance – this month my soul mate visited – she’d moved to sydney awhile back, leaving me wondering why all my loved ones always displace themselves all over the world. It was a good couple of days, the days she was in town. And this month my best friend migrated back home from London, and for awhile, all was right with the world. I’ve never been one to collapse into loss when people leave but I’m always glad when they return. And every time I think it, it strikes me true, but – for me, home is in the people.

Come at me, August.

x
Jem

#2099 | the sun always rises

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Too many late nights. Ive been feeling super freakin mega paranoid about everything of late, and I’ve been attributing it to hormones or physiology, or possibly the mild loss of mooring that comes with my imminent graduation.. the great void, unknown, and all that. Plus I really cannot seem to rid myself of this base level of anxiety i feel regarding everything of late, from the most trite to the seemingly looming. If I sound vague it is only because i feel vague, know this.

I told a friend last week, she said, well, that sounds about right. Welcome to adulthood.

So this is what the fuss was all about.

x
Jem

#2098 | Attack the ropes

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Attack the ropes, people, the exact words I’m hearing as I pen this blogpost. Here I am sitting at 2:22am at my dining table, in front of the new pot plant my mum bought, in between items on my to-do list. There’s the new Netflix original, GLOW, playing in the background. So far it’s pretty good, and I do want to watch it, but at this point in my life, the only way I can justify watching new television is really by doubling up the time by also doing other stuff, like my makeup, skincare, hair masks, and light work, the kind that you do when you’re really tired.

Right now at the top of my agenda is the acknowledgements page. The thank you speech, the grand bow out that only my supervisor and two other people will read, the thing that is small but seems significant regardless. I wrote: What a journey, and then stopped. There seem to be no words. You would think that after a two year wrestle with ideas and words there would be no lack of them to pad out the end, but you would think wrong.

Again, it is 2:22am. Actually, now it’s 2:28. I’m thinking of all the things I want to do with my life and also thinking of my submission and also thinking of sleep. I’m still awake because I spent the last two hours vegetating and only realised that I was zoning out because my cat jumped up and sat on my lap. I was thinking of shoelaces, the one thing that realises and seems determined to publicly prove that I’m still half kid and not nearly ready to be an adult. I prefer zips because they are straightforward. Also on my mind was a certain night in LA where I discovered anew the joys of supermarket peanut butter. I did a hair mask tonight also, so I guess I was not completely useless.

I miss reading, but I’ve been a bit too tired to read lately. This is not a complaint, it’s just a kind of.. realisation. There is a point where you get so tired you brain stutters, and you can feel it constantly doing double takes. At that point words kind of glaze over. I read Hunger a couple of weeks ago and followed the news that surrounded it quite closely. Im still in the middle of the new Joyce Carol Oates book that is a monster of a book, mad long, heavy as a brick, and beautiful but also occasionally gratuitous. I guess thats kind of why I’ve been watching more TV, it just seems more forgiving right now. I finished season two of the Flash which is now on Netflix and i felt like Grant Gustin and I were meant to be, also, streamed Okja, and had mixed feelings about it. Its possibly because I have been studying the arc and technicalities of scriptwriting recently that I find myself mega critical of everything I see onscreen, but then I also wrestle with the knowledge that the director was trying to do something good. How far do good intentions go to cover up a messy script? I mean, it worked with Wonder Woman. I don’t have an answer, I was just throwing a question out into the great blue.

Alright. It’s 2:41 now. That’s nineteen minutes of rambling you just read. Actually less, I got distracted in the middle and watched a bit of the GLOW episode playing, and then went to get some water, and pet my cat, etcetera. Time to sleep. It’s funny because today I said I would turn in early.

x
Jem

#2095 | June

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I cannot believe half the year has gone by already.

June is traditionally peak season for commercial work, so try as I did to take on less projects in favour of my thesis writing, still I found myself straddling the two. And it seems the entire world decided to get married in June. And so June was essentially: camera work, paper work, research, champagne, amazement. Not a bad way to live, though I do miss this little thing called sleep.. No, I kid. June has been a happy month thus far, a lot of wonder, a lot of challenges and hard work, and a whole lot of celebration and breakthroughs. And for that I am thankful.

x
Jem

#2090 | Places my words have been

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Me and my biggest fan

Hey hey guys,

In the way of life updates, I gave two interviews recently and they both came out over the last week! So I thought I should put it here because people say nice things about me in the interviews, and I love compliments. HAHAHA.

My interview with Alvinology here

And

My interview with Marketing Interactive here

But in random musings and observations – all my media snippets of late have been using the same picture of me at Singapore Fashion Week two years ago, which is a sure sign that I really need to either 1. take better pictures or 2. go for yoga more regularly, because I’m pretty sure that photo is the last time my chin was relatively sharp. I SAID RELATIVELY! RELATIVELY TO NOW! Don’t go nuts on me u crazies.

Yah ok so that’s all I really had to say. Bye bye.

x
Jem